Written by Jasmine Leigh
A good sex life takes time and effort to maintain. It won’t always be easy — our busy lives are taxing and often leave us tired and devoid of the imagination and motivation required to keep up the pace. Having good sex doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours and hours of frolicking or adding a few vibrator or other sex toy into the mix, it can be as simple as doing something a little different just for a change.
Women are cyclic creatures, and her sex drive will vary depending on her hormones and what’s going on in her life. Sometimes it takes a bit longer to get her hot and the same-old song and dance may not be enough. This applies to you too. Therefore, it’s important to add a few more stimulating aspects to your sex life to keep things interesting.
Here are 10 tips for having better sex, which should keep the two of you hot for some time to come.
1. Use A Blindfold
Sexual pleasure has many dimensions, but the most important sexual organ we have is our brain. When one sense is hindered, our other senses — via the brain — clamor to compensate. For example, a deaf person has increased sensory awareness — sight, smell, touch, and vibrations. For No. 10 entry on our 10 tips for better sex guide, we’re telling you that you can tap into this innate ability of ours and use it to your advantage: Blindfolding your partner increases her sensory awareness. She doesn’t know where you are or what you are going to do next. This creates anticipation for better sex — the tease. Tease her mercilessly with sensory objects, such as a feather or your tongue. Start off softly, as this excites her nerve endings and makes them far more sensitive. Be careful not to overstimulate the nerve endings, however, because after a while the neurons stop firing with such intensity and the sensation becomes null and void.
2. Try Being A Teacher – And A Student
After a while you may think you know how to please your partner in every way, but this is very rarely true. There is always something you haven’t tried, and there is bound to be something one of you always does that could be done differently.
To combat this, have a lesson session in which you don’t think you know it all, and are at each other’s mercy as teacher. Talk about things you haven’t tried, but would like to, then choose one suggestion from each partner, and get down and dirty. We often get caught thinking we know what our partners like, and after a while it becomes “the way it’s done.” Lose this myth and put yourself in the student’s chair for a while for better sex you won’t regret.
3. Trade Sensual Massages
Sensual touch is one of the most highly relaxing and sexy things you can do for your partner, which is why it makes it onto our 10 tips for better sex list. Our bodies are almost without exception tense in some area, if not many areas. This hinders our energy flow — including sexual energy flow. Imagine a car that has a clogged fuel filter: the fuel (our energy) can’t get to where it needs to go quickly and smoothly, and the car performs inefficiently and ineffectively.
A relaxing sensual massage can unlock her body to some very intense orgasms and much better sex in the end. The ability to relax your partner in this way should be high on your list of skills to master. The same goes for her: The difference between a deeply relaxing massage and a sensual massage is in the manner of touch — you don’t want to relax her too deeply because she will probably fall straight to sleep.
The key in this case is to keep her senses alert, but her body relaxed. This means a firm touch, coupled with some sensory feather-light caresses. Once you’ve relaxed her major muscles — shoulders and back — work your way down to her buttocks. Strokes can then start to wander near to, but not on, her inner thighs, butt crease and vagina. Don’t forget her hands and feet — there are thousands of nerve endings in our hands and feet that are very sensitive to touch. If you have no idea what a good massage feels like or how to perform one, spend some time in “lesson time” with your partner and learn what you both like or just run your hands all over her body — all over. Don’t skip to the hot spots or you’ll ruin the effect.
4. Get Into Some Dress-Up
Pretending to be something you’re not comes easily to some people. However, it has its benefits when done for fun. Stepping out of the role of being “yourself” can be a fun way to give each other permission to behave differently for better sex. Playing the role of someone else during sexual play is a very enjoyable way to give your partner some different sensations, and try things that you haven’t done before. Role playing is a great way to have better sex and to have fun with your partner in a light-hearted but sexy way. It is often the woman who does the dressing up simply because A) They enjoy it; and B) They have the resources of clothes, underwear and makeup — but don’t forget that you can play too..
5. Talk About Your Fantasies
Talking about your fantasies with your partner is a very conducive form of sex play. It increases communication with your partner, which is of great importance, as well, it also helps you get to know each other better for better sex. Yes, you may be surprised by what comes out of her mouth, but this works both ways. Keep it light at first and don’t throw her in the deep end with fantasies about people you both know or reveal fetishes you aren’t sure about. Sit back with a glass of wine and keep your clothes on — for now. Fantasy play can also be incorporated into a game for better sex. Use your imagination, and keep it sexy. Take it in turns and see where it leads you.
6. Play A Game
Get a pack of cards and play strip poker for better sex. It may seem like something you would have done when you were in high school (given the opportunity), but adult strip poker is a good way to get naked. Once you are both naked (or nearly naked), you can start on the really fun part: A loss means the other person gets to choose what action is performed on them by the loser. Time limits like one minute on said action means that it is a prolonged game of seduction, which by the end will have you both clamoring to be both the winner and the loser. There are many other games you can play “strip” to, as long as there is regular winner and loser to reward and punish respectively. The great part about these games is that you can both ask the other person to do something in a certain way that you may not necessarily have ever done before. It can get rather filthy, and definitely lead to better sex in the end.
7. Talk Dirty
Talking dirty has turned people on for millennia and will continue to do so because it has something other sex play doesn’t: words. Because our brains are our largest sexual apparatus, we respond to the spoken word automatically — especially when someone says our name. The spoken word evokes emotions, sensations and blood flow to various regions, depending on the topic. This works very much in your favor when it comes to talking dirty to your lover because women are especially susceptible to what goes in their ears (and I don’t mean cotton buds or ear candles). Talking dirty is, however, an art form and when done badly can result in fits of giggles (which, lets face it, ain’t so bad but isn’t quite the goal here). Don’t let this deter you.
Start off easy with neutral dirty-talk topics, such as how you feel inside her, how much you are enjoying the act and what you would like to do to her next. Don’t get too carried away, but let it flow out of you. Dirty talk can be a bit daunting at first, if you are not used to verbalizing these things, so practice. You will see how she responds to you. Dirty talk also comes under the “encouragement” category — when she sees that you like something very much, she will be more interested in doing it more. The rawness of the sexual passion aroused with dirty talk is why it is so effective. Be careful with swearing too much — though a good dose of foul language is part and parcel with dirty talk (its not called dirty talk for nothing), too much swearing/name calling can be a turn off. Try to stick to positive words, and leave the commonly used insult words out. Watch what you call her body parts too — just make sure she can handle it before launching into your tirade of filth. Chances are, the passion from you will ignite hers two-fold.
8. Try Some New Positions
You already know how to bring her to orgasm in two ways (probably). You repeat these regularly because they work — there’s no harm in that. However, if you never, ever try any new positions again, how will you ever know? New positions need a reasonably high level of arousal in your lover, so choose your time to strike a new pose when she is quite obviously feeling very randy.
There is no limit to the number of ways to have sex, so you can use your imagination and come up with as many weird and wonderful inventions as you desire. Simply changing locations can dramatically change the position, so consider this too (for example on top of the washing machine, on a bench, beanbag or table).
9. Use A Cock Ring
Cock rings slow the drain of blood out of your erection, and keep you harder for longer. A very hard penis stimulates a woman’s insides slightly differently — and much better — than one that is getting soft around the edges. Cock rings are inexpensive and usually nice to look at, and make an interesting male sex toy to add to your collection. Cock rings ensure that you can maintain the pace without faltering for better sex. This is very pleasing to your lady friend.
10. Try A New Place
Sex in a new locale is definitely up there in exciting things to do for better sex. You can take a drive somewhere secluded where you can get a bit risqué. Try a public place (not too public) or simply move to a different room or area in your home — or even someone else’s home. Whatever tickles your fancy. There are a million and one different places to have sex other than your home, in your bed — use them.
The list of helpful hints you have been presented with equates to a very good head start to a better sex life. The time and energy required to plan your adventures will pay off immediately, but also over the longer term. You will be rewarded according to the effort you put in with a great new skill set, and of course better sex. Make time, conserve some energy for it and relax. Life is short!