Mnombo, a local soccer player from Bhongweni Village in Mthatha, South Africa has faced the shock of his life as his newly wedded wife has allegedly left him on their honeymoon for having an extraordinarily large penis.
“All was well and she enjoyed the pre-intimacy, but all hell broke loose the moment I took off my underwear.
“My wife said she wanted a 4-5 inside her kitten, not an anaconda,” claimed Mnombo.
“When I tried to penetrate her, she bit my ear before squeezing my balls. Before I knew it, she knocked me over with a bottle of wine before attempting to suffocate me with a red and white teddy bear I had bought her as a gift.”
Mnombo claimed his screams alerted other guests and staff at the B&B where they were staying.
“We took different buses back home. I don’t want to lay charges against my new wife. I love her.
“I think she’s angry because I could only afford a cheaper honeymoon instead of the one she wished for in Zanzibar.”
He said he met his wife at church last year and she told him she wanted to abstain from sex until they were married.
“I’ve only heard of joystick enlargement and not joystick shrinking,” said a frustrated Mnombo.
When contacted, his wife said Mnombo was telling lies.
“He has a big 4-5 – long like a cucumber and hairy and scary like a bush. I only slapped him on the cheek and never moered him or tried to suffocate him,” she said.
The couple agreed to get counselling and said they would not involve the police.